We had a Battalion run this morning which was pretty much the biggest waste of energy and electricity that the Army could figure out on such a short notice.
A battalion run basically means that you and an assload of other people in your battalion show up at the parade field on base at 0450 in the morning to run the slowest 2 miles of your life. We start by standing around because most of us got there 15 minutes early (this is the natural thing to do in the Army). The air is filled with muggy morning air and music that represented every radio hit from the last decade. The music continues to play as we get in formation several times before they finally add other students to our company line-up. Then we march around with the music still blaring and sergeants trying to instruct us on what to do. So we re-do the formation multiple times until we're all facing the correct direction and we're somewhat lined up shortest to tallest. And the radio hits keep coming.
A Lieutenant Colonel steps out and gives a talk about respect, which sounded a lot like someone grabbed him on the toilet 5 minutes ago and asked him to speak to soldiers about something positive. His microphone kept going in and out, which made the junior-high speech he was giving all the more difficult to understand. Finally, after our collective will to rise up against all of the sergeants standing around had been adequately crippled, we got a safety briefing.
Basically the video we watched was a, 'don't drink & drive/participate in under-aged drinking if applicable' video. Although if you're stupid enough to do those things you're probably not going to give any measure to a cheesy video played at a mandatory battalion run on a blow-up projection screen at 0515 on a Friday morning. Of course I could be wrong, perhaps no one else has noticed the laziness of which our society has succumbed. Maybe showing a video is a better alternative to creating a system designed to support the whole person. I mean, it's so much easier to press 'play' than to fire all those assholes up the chain who plunder respect without ever earning it. It would be deleterious to provide stellar role models to young recruits.
The cannon sounded off and we all saluted Old Glory, which is always a source of pride for me, until I really start to think about it anyway. At some point after I almost lost consciousness, we finally started our run down Stanley while singing to cadence songs. I couldn't actually hear what the guy who was leading the cadence was saying, so I didn't bother to sing. Unfortunately I didn't have fun with the whole bout of simulated exercise. I made it a point to miss the puddles on the street as I was running, knowing that there's a pothole under its glossy surface. Potholes are dangerous things, especially when you can't see their dimensions. I can justify missing them, I am on the Fort Sam Houston running team that will be competing at the Army 10-miler in DC this October. Why would I want to risk injury on a 2-miler that isn't even training? Of course, there's always an asshole in the vicinity that thinks he/she knows everything to include why gravity is just so darn complicated. This particular guy running directly behind me was very excited at the prospect of getting his shoes wet and was doing his best to yell at me and mock me for missing the standing water on the road. The guy was straight up annoying and to top it off he kept clipping the back of my legs. Initially I had the desire to spit in my hand and rub it on his face and repeat his newest favorite motto "It's just water." But in better judgment, I decided not to say anything to him. Some people like to hear themselves talk. Some like to win arguments that never existed in the first place. I'd rather be the person who let him be a public dumbass than to waste energy trying to set him straight.
The worst part of the morning wasn't so much getting up at 0345 to listen to songs that are probably on "Now That's What I Call Music, Vol 21", watching a LTC stagger through a message about respect and then subsequently getting disrespected and kicked on a horrid 2-mile crawl. The worst part was being reminded that many of the young soldiers that were out running this morning have PT several mornings a week just like that. And though the Army gets them up before the sun to "exercise," many of them can barely complete a very slow 2 miles. My point is that the Army is doing those soldiers no sort of justice. They talk about leadership and taking care of one another but that's a bunch of bullshit when you look at what actually happens on a large scale.
See, this is how the Army works. People who are very physically fit but don't make weight are subjected to ridiculous tapings (that don't reliably measure body fat percentage), they have to get counseling by a superior, and they have to do weigh-ins to make sure they are decreasing their weight. People who make weight are often out of shape and pretty lazy individuals, but because they aren't overweight they aren't put through the wringer. Nothing else is asked of them except to pass a physical fitness test that isn't all that strenuous. In any case, the policy is not only demoralizing to those who are overweight yet relatively fast runners and very strong, but it also directly goes against the whole "combat readiness" idea the Army so heartily adores. I know from personal experience, that an individual cannot really lose weight and train hard without major consequences. It's not sound science.
In conclusion, this morning was retarded. But what can I say, I'm beginning to get used to it. I just hope that if I ever make MAJ or higher, I won't accept the status-quo. And if it's ever my decision, we're getting rid of the damn berets.
